I solved the problem of the decline in book sales

This is what reading books does to your head.

I work in a book shop and it occurred to me yesterday how customers often talk about buying books in the same way they talk about fast food or not keeping to a diet: 'I know I shouldn't but...' 'I just couldn't help myself.' 'My husband/wife will kill me...' This is always said with a sly grin held up by the prongs of naughtiness - a pleasure of transgression. Of course in the most part they are referring to already having too many books cluttering up the wheezing bookshelves of their lives, but there is a similarity in the discourse that must be linked to the same instinct. We all know how big the Diet/Fast Food industry is and how the bookshop trade always seems to be in decline. The solution seems obvious - lets re-market books as bad for you, they will rot your brain make you intellectually obese and make you realise things that you will regret later in life. Reading books will cause you all sorts of trouble, and that's not to mention how quickly they catch fire, if you are holding a book you are potentially a fire-hazard skating on the tightrope of  life and death. BOOKS WILL KILL YOU, DON'T BUY THEM. There that should do it. I have saved the Book trade. Hazzzaaaaaahhh.